The other day I came home after a rough day at work and decided I wanted to be alone. I went to my desk and began facebooking and playing some computer games. The rest of the family was in the living room and I was happy as a lark. After a few hours my youngest daughter came in to the room and said “why are you in here alone when the rest of us are in the living room”. I dismissed it at first and latter realized my daughter was telling me that she wanted some of my time. While I just wanted to shut the world out I was shutting my loved ones out as well. Did I mean to do that? Did I want my family to think that I didn’t care about them? The answer is a resounding NO. I realized that I was being selfish and not putting my family first. I also realized that this often occurs to our relationships with our spouses. We get so busy and beat down by the everyday hum drum life that we forget what it is that is important to us. We begin to see only faults in our spouses. He doesn’t treat me like he used to or she doesn’t care anymore. The thief in this is time. Responsibilities take precious time from us leaving us empty and not wanting to work on our relationships (connections). We forget to write that little note saying I love you or that flower just because. We are actually the ones that help to reinforce the current status quo. As in the case of my daughter, I could have went in there and sat down and spent some time with her but I would have done it with one goal in mind. That goal would have been to please her so that I could get back to quality self time. Would that have worked? I say no. She would have picked up on my insincerity and the time spent together would not have accomplished what she nor I wanted. I gave it some thought and posted a large note on her door. The note expressed how much I loved her and how awesome she was to me. She found it the next day. I can’t say that she said anything about it but she did seem more affectionate. I saw a change in her with a simple pin and paper. I guess what I am trying to say is decide to make a change in yourself to do small things that will add up in a big way. Rather than make ourselves do something that will seem fake or plastic. Go on a date, it can be in your house with some candles or music etc. Make some notes, tell your significant other you love the way they _______(fill in the blank). Don’t just say I love you show it. The connections may take a while but if you are persistent in your subtleties it will pay off. You have to figure out how to reconnect with your spouse or children in a way that makes them feel appreciated and not in a way that would make you feel appreciated. The self sacrifice is difficult and not easy to stick with, but if you do the payoff is enormous.
Saturday, January 16, 2010
I don't know about you but I have to battle my attitude on a regular basis. I have to work hard to have a good attitude. Cursing sometimes helps but then you have to watch where you are.(funny) I like to try and find something good to focus on during the situation. Sometimes even just listening to a song I like helps. No sad or depressing songs though. If today was your last day by Nickelback is one that I like. It makes me think of all the blessings in my life. Oh well just my thoughts of the day...
Friday, January 15, 2010
Thursday, January 14, 2010
As most of you know I am a big fan of Michele Weiner-Davis. She has many great books and has a big following on Facebook. I have posted many of her posts on my Facebook sight. She has a book "Divorce Busting" among many others. I think Divorce Busting is a must read for couples.